Why we run......

Biologically, evolutionary, spiritually, physiologically......there's an argument for each as to why people run.

In the western world, some run to maintain a semblance of activity in an otherwise sedentary lifestyle.  

Other continents and countries still see running as the primary mode of transport either because the infrastructure does not support vehicles OR the price of vehicles is prohibitive.

There are others who choose running as a form of spirituality...a path to enlightenment.  The most well documented of which are the Marathon Monks of Mount Hiei in Japan, who run distances of 52miles a day for 100 consecutive days.

There are those who run because they have to in order to survive....persistence hunters of the African plains, Australian bush and the few remaining true wildernesses on the planet. 

And there are those that run in order to compete, to be the best at one of the oldest of athletic measures that pre-dates Christ.  The 'Athletes'.

Finally, in my opinion, there are those that run 'just because they can' and for fun.  Amongst this group, the majority are (but not exclusively) below the age of 12 years old......

But amongst this hotch potch of categories there is a another group.  Those that run not towards but away from something.

For this group, fear is the motivation.  Fear of becoming trapped, of sliding into a place they don't want to be, of memories that they want to leave behind.  Its not something pulling them forward, its something pushing them further, harder and longer.

I run because I'm scared.  I'm scared of becoming what I once was and of losing the freedom that running has given me.....from constraints that couldn't be broken by a single act or being.

I don't care about times for specific distances, I don't care whether I place 1st or last in any events I may enter. 

I just care that I can run. Alone. With my thoughts. With my fears....compartmentalizing them and keeping them in check.  Making them manageable so that they are conquered by me, not conquering of me.

An old native American saying is 'Never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his moccasins'.  But the truth is, never judge a man until you have walked the same path in the same shoes....because all journeys have a start point and no two paths are the same!

Therefore, in order to understand what drives a person, we need to know where they started, where they have walked and where they want to go....their direction and speed are not true indicators of what lies behind the visible indicators.

Jump......or fall.....your choice!

'When you reach the edge, you either fly or come crashing down with a bump......but you'll never fly if you don't take that jump!'

The surge of adrenaline, the thumping beat of your heart in your chest as if it is about to burst free from your rib cage, the cold sweat, the fumbling on the keyboard...........hit [ENTER].........done, no turning back, thats it committed now!

I've faced a few tricky situations in my relatively short life time, some I would rather have not been in and others that I relished.........but all that have defined who I am.  But nothing compares to the feeling of being so close, and yet so far (257miles on foot to be precise) away from what was only a dream 2 years ago.

In October 2011 I jumped.  I said something out loud to which my wife said 'Do it'. So I did.....I pressed [ENTER] not just once, but 3 times.........and set the wheels in motion for 2012 to be a life changer!

And then, for some unexplained reason, I did it again in October 2012......I hit [ENTER] 4 times......

And what did I learn.........that pressing [ENTER] more times is a jump.......a leap of faith in myself (and whether my wife and daughters have enough patience).....to test myself and go where I never thought I could go.

With 2013 coming to a close, I've hit [ENTER] a few more times........in fact more than enough to earn the 7 points needed to qualify for the 2015 Ultra Trail Mont Blanc............the dream!

All things in life worth having need to be qualified for.....you earn them by going further and pushing yourself harder.  The more you do, the more you get.

All the time, you have to keep asking yourself  'Is the promise worth the price?' because if it isn't, when it comes time to pay, you'll be lacking.

When we start out in life, we don't know how to walk, talk or even feed ourselves.......yet as adults we expect to be able to make massive changes and have things tomorrow that we haven't earned.  We haven't paid the price for them......we didn't qualify!

So here I am, 12 months away from qualifying for the right to attempt to fulfil a dream........that's right, I have to qualify just to attempt my dream....no guarantees!

Is the promise worth the price?  Damn right it is!  In one way, I'm half the man I was when I started out.......in other ways I have grown bigger.

But above all else, this is no longer my personal journey.  There are others sharing this path....some occasionally, some frequently and 3 people every single second of every single day of every single week of every single month.  My wife and 2 daughters.

Is the promise worth the price?  It has to be.  Otherwise the price paid so far is a debt that cannot be repaid!

It doesn't matter how fast you go, as long as you have forward momentum, you'll get to your destination at some point!

The Flying Geese - Dream Achieved

 Four days after completing The Wall Run, a 69mile ultramarathon from Carlisle to Newcastle and I feel like I've lost something.

Hard to explain.  I've spent 18months to reach this point and I exceeded my own expectations and then some.

Don't get me wrong, I'm delighted to have finished what was a gruelling test of endurance but there is something that just doesn't feel right and its taken me this long to pin point it.

We started at 8am on Saturday morning.  I say 'we' because there were 5 of us running the course as a team.

I wouldn't call us 'friends', more like acquaintances who shared common values, beliefs and goals.

The first few hours were spent mainly in a throng of the other 400 or so runners doing the event.  We chatted, talked about our training, kit, nutrition etc.  All fairly superficial conversation that could be held with anyone.  Not giving anything away of ourselves, such as the fear of failure, our worries or concerns.

After 13miles, things began to get more personal....a little more in-depth but still we were wallowing in the shallows.

15miles and we're at our 1st checkpoint and our support crew is there with shakes, thermo tea and tigerbalm!

As we set off for the next 17miles, it's almost like the ice has been broken!  We've got the mini speakers playing music from an iPhone and people are laughing with us as we run by.

Over the course of the next 4 hours, we begin to get more 'comfortable' with each other and less comfortable in our trainers!  Checkpoints become a point where we have personal 'timeouts' to gather our thoughts before reforming and heading back out.

Checkpoint 2 - Walltown Crags

Approaching the end of day 1 at 32miles, we are all feeling the effects of the day.  Physically we are tired and the same mentally.  We push on, very aware we want to finish strongly so as not to concern those waiting for us.  Encouraging each other, we each share what we are looking forward to at the day 1 finish line.

Almost end of day 1, just around the next corner!

Several hundred metres from the finish and we take a moment to thank each other and pass congratulations.  This is private - its for us only before we arrive into crowds and potentially lose the opportunity. 
Once we've crossed the line and had something to eat, we find out our support crew (my wife Vicky, our kids and Rosina - relay runner with Vicky H) have established camp.  Food is being cooked and we head off for a shower.

The next few hours are spent reminiscing about the day, comparing blisters, getting kit ready for tomorrow and generally enjoying ourselves and each others company.

It rains through the night, hard!  The wind picks up and its not anyone's best night sleep by a long shot.  Nonetheless, everyone is up and getting ready to move from the agreed time.  We work together and break camp, pack away and don our gear.  Time for a foto before we start out on day 2 - 37miles today!

The Race Director jumps in for a photo!

Everyone is stiff and sore but there is no question of not starting.  The fear of letting each other down is overwhelming.

After the initial 3 miles, most of which is trail or hill climbing, we hit tarmac road for the next few hours.  I'm starting to struggle with stiffening calves...not relaxed enough or stretched enough since the ironman duathlon 3 weeks earlier and its not coming to haunt me.

My team-mates slow the pace and work with me.  Our chatter is about all sorts but mainly about how sore we all are.

As we arrive into Hexham for our checkpoint and meet our fantastic support crew, the fact we have now been running for 49miles is beginning to show.  15minutes later and we're ready to go.  The [now] obligatory mickey-taking of each other is relentless at every stop, as is the photo opportunity!

With less than a marathon to run [funny how that seems normal and a short distance now] we set off with renewed vigour and a spring in our step.

Our strategy of walk uphill, run flat and downhill has served us well and is taken extremely literally now..every incline is treated with respect and we break to a fast march.


We've got 13miles to get to our next checkpoint and it is here we will run, for the first time, as the two doing it as a relay join up to run together.

We are now running on road, through trail, woodland, crossing a stream by stepping stones and at some points surviving torrential rain and thunderstorms.


At a pit-stop along the way, we find it funny to start trying to through chocolate raisins at each other.  In the last 5 miles we've been clocking 6minute 30sec kilometres....not a bad pace for all of us for whom we are in unchartered territory for distance.



At our last checkpoint, with just 7 miles to go, we're together as one unit for the first time running.  Not only are we bouncing off each other but everyone else in the checkpoint thinks we're nuts!  More foto's.......

And this time all sense and sensibility is out of the question as we pose for the daftest photo's of the whole weekend.

We don't care what we look like.

We don't care what people think.

All we care about is we are still together as a team with 7 miles to go to complete one heck of a journey.

And as we set off, another runner asks us 'What are you lot on?'

As one, almost in unision, we reply 'Herbalife'!

We're proud of what we are and who we are.  Its through our involvement with Herbalife that we came together for this venture and despite aches, pains and blisters, we are enjoying ourselves.

With 3 miles left on the clock, we are all digging deep now.  The close proximity of the finish line gave us a surge of adrenaline but its not enough to carry us through to the end.

Right now, as this point, we are formed into our 'V' - each taking turns to lead and set pace, with the others behind honking in encouragement.  If one needs to rest then we all rest together until ready to begin 'flying' again.

With 1mile left, the 'honking' takes over any pain.  The pace quickens, the tears begin to flow, we realisation we are going to finish, together, overwhelms us.  We're knocking on the door of a 5min 30sec km pace now - unbelievable at this stage.

And then the mightiest 'honks' of all.....our family and friends....we see them, hear them, feel their support from the crowd as we cross the line together!

People often talk about the loneliness of the long distance runner.  I believe in the camaraderie of the ultra distance runner.  There was one thing that got each and every one of us through this weekend and 69miles....team work.  

Quote from Vicky H
"WOW.. What a weekend!! So much emotion.. what an amazing feeling.. We started as a team at Carlisle Castle, We continued 69 miles together as one and we crossed that bridge to the finish line STILL as a team!! The strength and support these guys have is mind blowing & inspirational. Nothing is ever too much trouble, and that doesn't matter how much pain they are in. Keeping the team together was the most important bit for everyone!!!
To say on Friday, i had never met any of these guys before (except the amazing ickle ros ;)) I can walk away today and say we are just one massive family, exceptional close friends and this is an experience i will NEVER forget!!! Love you guys and thank you for everything... 'BRING ON THE WALL' xxxxxxx"

That just about sums it all up...the forging of lifetime friendships through a weekend of endurance.  And it wasn't just the runners....it was everyone who helped, supported and 'honked' in their own way!

This started as a personal journey for me.  To run an ultramarathon.  I did it, but I got so much more from the experience by doing it with other people for whom I have the utmost respect, admiration and who inspired me on the way.  No better way to achieve a dream!

Rosina, Vicky H, Kit, John, Vicky K, Charlotte, Jules, Martin

The effort, not the destination, is what defines a man's character!

Six days to my first ultra and I ran a leisurely 25km along riverside paths and suburban cycle paths this morning.

I've not done much for the last week due to a slightly sore calf and had this last long run in my mind.  So it was with some trepidation I kitted up and set off.

Instead of bouncing out of bed and being out the house before anyone else wakes, I took my time, spending some time to stretch and ease myself out of slumber and have a good pre-run breakfast shake and herbal tea.

I'd packed my rucksack last night, full of all the mandatory kit for next week (extra clothes, 1st aid kit, hat, gloves etc) as well as 2litres of energy drink, some protein bars and a meal bar for good measure.

And we're off.......

About 8k in and I'm on a quiet cycle path alongside the River Clyde into Glasgow.  Doing a steady 6mins per km pace and the odd cyclist passes me in either direction - not many runners on this stretch.

Then, from behind, a runner passes me - no wave or acknowledgement, and goes steaming on up the path.  I have to resist the testosterone fueled urge to hurtle after him and remind myself I'm not even halfway through my run.

5 minutes up the path and I pass said runner, leaning against the railing overlooking the river looking nonchalantly in any direction than mine.  I keep trotting passed, 6mins per km still, and say hello.

I've gone about 500m up the path and again, passing me at a rate of knots, goes the same chap...puffing and blowing and looking as if he is about to blow a gasket.  This time round there is no urge in me to race....I'm in MY zone - that little bit of head-space that says I have nothing to prove to anyone and I'm doing this for me and my goals.

By the time I reach 10k total distance run, I again catch up with 'Mr Speedy & Stop' - this time hands on knees, breathing hard.  This time I stop.

'How are you doing?' I ask.
'Good - just a little out of breath!' comes the reply, gasping.
'Are you running intervals?'
'No'
'Tempo or Threshold?'
'No - just running' he answers.
'Great. How far are you running today?'
'About 10km, I've done 5k and just having a breather. What about you?'
How I respond now will either help this guy OR it will demoralise him - at very least he'll think I'm a complete knob.
'I'm just out running too, will be trying to run for 3hours and then ring the wife to come and get me.'
'So what distance will you cover in that time?' He's now fishing...the competition element between males has kicked in.
'Am not sure', I reply, 'Anything between 22k and 32k depending on the paths, how I feel and the weather'.

At this point I want to share with this guy the journey I've been on.  I've been there, talking to someone else on a run and been absolutely shattered and watched them effortlessly glide past me running twice, three times the distance at a speed I would consider a sprint.  But what kept me going was the fact I was doing MY personal best and improving - not competing with others.  But I get the impression this is neither the time nor the place....until he asks:

'How do you just keep going for that long and not get out of breath and have to stop all the time?'

Now I can regale him with tales of intrepid runs, Bambi like falls, waking at 5am most mornings to get a run in before work, hitting treadmills for 2hrs+ to train the mind as well as the body and spending 5hours on a Sunday on my own up a hillside.  Instead, and rarely for me, I find a simple short sentence;

'The Tortoise and the Hare mate, Tortoise and Hare.'
'Eh?'
'Take your pace down a bit and enjoy the journey - helps you last longer.'
'Really?'
'Try it and see.' And with that, I give him my regards and head off.

The next 10km see my calf get steadily more tight so every 20mins or so I am stopping and stretching off.  Quick check on map shows I'm about 8miles from my target destination with an hour and 10mins to go.  Will mean pushing hard so I decided to keep at steady pace and adjust distance.  I text Vicky to let her know the new pick up point.

Another 2km and I'm feeling it even tighter.  Testerone surges and No Pain, No Gain flashes across my mind.  Then, a calming surge of sensibility flushes through.  I stop, I stretch, I adjust my destination again and text Vicky, again!

As I approach Pollok Park (new destination), there's a race being run and roads closed.  I emerge from my cycle pathway into the flood of Mens Health Men's 10k runners - but they are going in the wrong direction to the one I want so I cut across and head on the other side of the road.

There's me with calf guards, rucksack, lightweight poles attached and a hydration tube sticking in my mouth pootling along in the opposite direction to these guys clad in t-shirts, vests and carrying their bottles - a few with MP3 players plugged in.

A few shout at me and tell me I'm going the wrong way.  A few just look at me and try and smile - but their journey is obviously hard for them so I smile back and try to be encouraging and not patronising.

At the entrance to the park (through which I need to run to reach Vicky), I stop with the water stop volunteers and clap and cheer the runners through.

They are 8km through their 10km journey.  I'm 23km through my 25km journey.  I feel a bit tired but not exhausted.  Some of these guys are dead on their feet and its taking every ounce of effort to walk let alone run.

That was me 18months ago.  And i remembered how I felt doing my first 10km and how hard it was.  I read something not long after doing my first 10km race and at the time couldn't understand it.  I thought it was a way of justifying not achieving something.  At this moment though, looking a multiple images of myself of months gone by, the true meaning hit me:

'It's not the size of the achievement that defines the character of a man, it's the amount of effort he has to put in to get to where he is going.'

Those guys, who have rarely run and who had shiny new running shoes on today, were putting in almighty efforts.  The guy on the cycle path, putting in a huge effort.  Yes, they could have perhaps prepared better and done things differently.....but the fact is they were doing SOMETHING.

I'll remember this next week whenever I get overtaken by others.  It doesn't matter.  I'm doing my best and will have put effort into getting to this point....18months of effort.

About to hit 'The Wall'!

Three months has passed since I last put finger to keyboard and shared some thoughts.......so what happened?

Well life happened.  Busy at work, busy with community activities and busy family life.....not to mention 2 trips to the Far East (Philippines and Thailand) and lots of training.

And oh yes, my big training weekend for the upcoming 69mile Ultra Marathon.

All the books and experts say 3 to 4 weeks before the ultra is when you should do the last session of any great distance and begin to taper down.

So in my incredibly sensible plan I scheduled an iron distance duathlon in for 3 weeks before The Wall with just 4 days rest before I did a 58mile Sportive in The Trossachs!

One week prior to the Duathlon - which started in South Queensferry on the Forth with a 112mile cycle to Glencoe, followed by 26.2mile run which finished with a climb to the summit of Ben Nevis and back down - apparently according to my wife and work Colleagues, I was pretty 'unapproachable'!

I thought I was coping with the nerves quite well - better than last September before Coast to Coast in fact.

Reality was different......snappy, moody, irritable!

My worry was I had concentrated too much on the running - racking up 100miles plus each month - but not on the bike.

So on the Bank Holiday Monday, I decided to cycle 60miles of the route for practice and confidence.

I managed 25 - 12.5 out and 12.5 back.  Not only that but I crashed!!  In fairness, I was knocked off by the lady driver who decided to pull out in front of me and then stop.....needless to say confidence dented a little more (but not as much as her car door!!).

Approaching summit of Ben Nevis

 Cutting down what could be an ultramarathon of a tale for the purposes of readability........

Didn't matter that I had crashed or I had not trained as much as I felt I should.....it came down on the day to having a base level of fitness, good energy levels and a rock solid state of mind.

2 out of 3 wasn't a bad start and I could work on my state of mind over the course of the next 17hrs!

Glencoe and Loch Leven in the background

Summit of Ben Nevis

'Can you see Dad? He's up there....somewhere!!'

Last 8miles on the bike - 'You have to earn your downhills!'

Throughout the entire weekend and especially during the cycle section, Vicky, Lauren and Georgia were there at every pitstop, roadside opportunity and even sometimes behind me to keep me going.

Arriving into Tyndrum at 80miles having just finished the toughest section and thoroughly miserable, to have Lauren buzzing around, refilling my H24 bottles and generally fussing around me was so lovely...........in hindsight!  At the time I just wanted 5 minutes of peace!

Scotland is reknowned for its long, flat roads with very little hills.......or so I wished at times.

It was during the climb out of Lochearnhead to Tyndrum (about a 15% incline for several miles) that I coined a phrase to myself that I kept saying whenever I headed up....'You've got to earn your downhills!'



And I had an almighty downhill coming....the 8mile descent from Glencoe...........stunning!  Certainly earnt this downhill and enjoyed every second of it.

So, with one week to go before my biggest challenge, 69miles along Hadrian's Wall, I just got to keep telling myself that 'I've got to earn my downhills'!  That means digging deep when the going is tough, putting in the effort when the path seems too steep so that when at the top I can enjoy the view and coast down with pace towards my goal!

As ever, my family are my biggest supporters and I couldn't achieve anything without their support!  17hrs of an event is little effort in comparison to the months, weeks and days putting up with me during training!

With a team of 6 of us working together to complete this next event, we are raising funds for a charity close to all our hearts...more information on the link below!

https://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/TeamHFF/thewallultrarun#.

The loneliness of the long distance runner?

24th September 2012.  That was the date of my last blog.

What does that say about me?  That once I reached my goal of completing the Scotland Coast to Coast that I'd given up?

Actually, quite the contrary.  I'd become a little more focused and had to spend a lot of time looking introspectively at where I wanted to go and how I was going to get there.

So here it is, the 2013 list of events.  But this is not about this year, or even 2014.  My goal is the Ultra Trail Mont Blanc in 2015.....a 150mile footrace around the Alps and in my 40th year!

2013 is training year.
2014 is qualifying year.
2015 is completion year!

If there is one thing I have learnt so far, it's that pushing yourself and your body beyond limits is not something that happens overnight or without some degree of sacrifice and focus.

Training to run ultra distances can be a lonely affair....if you let it.   Spending 3, 4 or even more hours in solitude plodding around could be considered quite an insulated environment, one where you are left along with your own thoughts, demons and angels!

I find I am often getting up many hours before the family so I can train before they wake so that it does not encroach on our time together on all occasions   Inevitably sometimes it does, especially when I get lost on a new trail run ;-)

Whilst I am on my own during training 9 times out of 10, it doesn't mean I am lonely.  This is a time where I can think clearly, gather my thoughts and do all the 'brain stuff' that needs peace and quiet to do...not something possible with a 10 year old and 8 year old buzzing around.

So when family time comes, it means it gets my full attention and I'm as focused on them as I am when I am training.

This simple paradigm shift helps overcome those feelings of selfishness and self indulgence that any parent or spouse feels when they take time for themselves.  And training for ultra distance events means you need to take time.

To get this balance, I had to also decide what I would have to sacrifice.  Could I survive on less sleep?  Yes, but not for long!

What about giving up my job?  Errrrrr.....great idea but still got bills to pay!

Social life??  You know what, I get as much enjoyment from running now and being focused on a goal as I ever did from a night on the town with friends.  That doesn't mean I dont enjoy a party, just I spend much less time doing this instead of every weekend (especially during rugby season)!

The other way to overcome spending time apart with loved ones is to do what you love together.....like running!

So as a family, quite often on a Saturday morning we'll all go and run a 5k together at a local park run event.

It's the little things that make the difference, like running with your 8yo daughter and holding her hand as you cross the line in 32mins and she says 'I could have done a little better Dad'!

Or your eldest daughter joining you at a weekly fitness class you run for friends and family....and not even breaking sweat!

It becomes less about me and more about them...showing them what could be possible if they want it and have the years on their side.

So for 2013, expect to see more blogs from me on my journey to becoming a true ultra runner.

March 16th - 15k Notorious Night Run - Trail
June 2nd/3rd - Iron Distance Duathlon
June 7th - 54mile 'Fast & Furious' Sportive
June 22nd/23rd - The Wall Run - 69mile Ultra

And then in September, my personal favourite and the only one event this year I have a time goal set for......Scotland Coast to Coast!

I want to take 2hrs off my inaugural time and get sub 13hrs and a top 100 finish!

And this journey does not have to be lonely....because every step I take my family are with me on every one - either physically or mentally.

To achieve great things you don't need to be great, you just need to do the basics exceptionally well!  For me, that means balancing my training and family life!